About 'fort lauderdale universities'|Psychiatrist Fort Lauderdale
RALEIGH, North Carolina - Tom Mendelson sighed, put down the unwelcome letter from Castine, Maine and grabbed his baseball glove. He then ambled out the door of his one-bedroom apartment. His tiny apartment was located out in the sticks off of Capitol Boulevard in north Raleigh: as in, North Carolina, of all places! It just seemed so surreal at times. Here he was, working as an electric pallet jack operator-slash-warehouse receiving clerk for a computer board manufacturer - without benefits, and being paid through a temporary employment agency. For $7.50/hour! If Tom ever saw that Delta Airlines ticket agent he'd run into in southern Maine - the one who'd told him without blinking an eye that, hands-down, the single best East Coast location for jobs (particularly for "older" workers, like Tom) was in Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina (which turned out to be two totally separate and unrelated cities, more than 15 miles apart…) - …if Tom ever ran into that guy again, well: He'd say something foul. It wasn't that Raleigh was such a bad place, per se (even though it was hardly a mecca for pro sports or entertainment; but, then, neither was Maine). It was that it felt so foreign. For starters, it was completely landlocked, except for some lakes as you headed further north toward the Virginia state line; and Tom was an oceans kind of guy. Secondly, the accents - the nasal twang: the "Thank yoo!'s" young cash register girls always said to you as you walked out the door of their establishments - made him either laugh or cringe, depending on his mood. And then there were the foreboding differences in politics … at least from what Tom was used to in South Florida and Maine. Raleigh, word had it, was the most openly liberal city in North Carolina, if one could believe that; yet "liberal" or not, he found the politics in Raleigh very Southern Baptist, very Pro Tobacco, very white - and very This-is-God's-country, a phrase he'd heard voiced a lot. As near as he could tell, Raleigh-Durham got its distasteful liberal reputation due in large part to Research Triangle Park, which was the East Coast version of central California's Silicone Valley. "The Triangle," located northwest of Raleigh and across I-40 from Raleigh-Durham International Airport, employed a lot of Yankees whose companies had moved them down there…perhaps, kicking and screaming. Regardless, Raleigh kept its southern feel. No one had ever confused the place with Albany, Framingham or Fort Lee. But the region was very, very green. Pine trees sprouted up everywhere, suggesting there were 1,000 of them for every person; and living in the Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill area wasn't a prison sentence. Three major universities (North Carolina State [just outside downtown Raleigh]; Duke in Durham; and just down the road from there, UNC in Chapel Hill) served as cultural focal points. Still - Tom probably would have stayed in Maine had he ever found work up there. But that economy now looked nearly bankrupt. Most of the money from his parents' will was now either gone or tied up in the house he'd bought (a bit too spontaneously) in the central Maine coastal town of Castine, where he'd hoped to roost and launch his writing career. But that never materialized. (He had long-since graduated from seminary in Bangor with his graduate degree, therein meeting the conditions for inheritance in his late parents' will.) Chief stumbling block: The ideas Tom promoted in his submitted articles ran into open resistance from editors, a fallout of his sympathy for things "New Age." (Didn't he know the New Age was … over?) Whatever the 1990s were going to be about, he'd quickly come to realize, they wouldn't be including speculative metaphysics. Tom also learned he had a "non-discriminating audience;" so, no market. Serious philosophers/theologians, on one hand (i.e., those affiliated with universities/seminaries), rejected anything perceived as New Age out-of-hand; meanwhile, incredibly, most New Age publications weren't interested in Issues of Discernment (as his professors at Bangor Theological Seminary used to call them), which is what he thought mattered. Tom believed in many so-called paranormal experiences (he'd had plenty of his own in childhood), yet he always hesitated to attempt to interpret them, for lack of information. But for reasons he couldn't fathom, almost everyone else he encountered nowadays insisted on either pat explanations, or blowing-off metaphysical scrutiny, labeling it meritless. (As to the former, Tom couldn't help noticing the countless casually-applied characteristics of "God" commonly voiced as fact, in both A.A. meetings and in church.) When it came to spiritual beliefs, it was either feast, or famine: you were a true believer, like a Christian - or a functioning atheist. In America, particularly of late, Tom realized, there remained very little room in-between. Human philosophies, almost everywhere, had become dualistic. "Do you want to be right? Or happy?" Tom's late former A.A. sponsor, Walter, once asked him during a long-distance call. Tom responded that he didn't understand the question - why couldn't he be both? "Because," Walter explained, "alcoholics who tend to focus on what's right or wrong, end up going back to the bottle." Well; why, Tom asked? "Because everything we do is in extremes," Walter said. "We have to learn a new way to get through life." The point Walter had attempted to make - beyond suggesting that people who were non-issue-oriented were happier - was that recovering alcoholics often clung to an either-or focus when rebuilding their lives, which for the sake of recovery was a no-no. Put another way: alcoholics often viewed life dualistically. Tom had grown to agree with that view. Thus it troubled him when he saw society embracing dualism. So: was society addicted? And if so - to what? Was addiction even possible en masse? If it was … could society hit bottom the way an addict does? "Life isn't about black or white," Walter often said about dualism. "It's about learning how to navigate through the gray." Sadly, Walter had died of prostate cancer three years back. Here now, today, as he stepped out of his apartment, Tom was doing his best not to view the contents of the letter he just left behind on his dining table as strictly negative, strictly wrong: that was too "either-or." But, he realized, shaking his head - he was struggling. The letter was from the young couple who'd been renting his house in Castine. They told him that by the end of the month they'd be forced to relocate "due to a sudden death in the family." Fact was, there were few jobs to be found in the state of Maine these days (much less anywhere near serene, but isolated Castine) - and the husband, a carpenter by trade, was probably unable to find steady work up there; just as Tom had. Regardless, Tom was now left to pay the mortgage by himself until his Castine realtor located another renter, which she likely would: jobs or no jobs, coastal Maine was a popular place for people with money to visit. But until then, Tom had to fork over two separate monthly housing payments - here, and there. Unexpectedly, a wet muzzle worked its way into Tom's hand - and he awakened from his thoughts to find himself standing on his front lawn with his next-door neighbor's dog, Melvin, dancing in front of him in search of more petting and attention. "You got your ball? Or, should I get mine?" a familiar voice called out from the next-door apartment's bedroom window. Tom glanced toward the window, then into his empty glove, and then back again -and smiled. "Yours," Tom said. "Be right there," Vincent Morgan, a black man in his mid-30s, called back. "Want me to grab a beer for you on the way?" Vincent was kidding. He knew better than to ask Tom such a question. Tom raised an eyebrow. "Thank you - no," he said. "While you're waiting," Vincent's voice shot back, "feed Melvin for me, will you?" "No," Tom repeated, flatly. He knew Vincent was joking again. In fact, Vincent had already disappeared from his window. "Better you feed that dog, than I find him goin' through my trash cans again," a man's voice interrupted. It came from the front yard of the apartment on the other side of Vincent's. Glancing over, Tom saw a meaty, glowering white man in a cutoff sweatshirt, jeans, and boots standing there, sneering. "'Scuse me?" Tom responded, unaware anyone had been standing there, much less listening in on his conversation with Vincent. "Oh, I think you heard me," the glowering man grinned. He waited for Tom's eyes to meet his. Once they did, the man turned and strode back toward the pickup truck parked in his driveway. It was a big dually - "dooley," with one pair of tires matched up on the inside of an outer set of tires next to them in the rear, as if it were a large rig; an affectation popular with countless truck owners in the Deep South - replete with lakes pipes and rebel flag stickers. Its bright red hood was raised. "Who's the friendly neighbor," Tom asked Vincent, after the latter arrived carrying his baseball and glove. In Tom's 43 (mostly racially-segregated) years, Vincent had become one of his rare black friends. In the month or so since Tom moved into the small, isolated and aging complex, he'd paid little attention to his neighbors. He was just there in Raleigh to work. But he met Vincent early on, at the corner ballfield on the other side of the street. They were both avid baseball fans, and both long-time followers of the Atlanta Braves. Tom enjoyed the Dale Murphy-led Braves of the 80s. Vincent liked the current team, a contender. "Don't know what his name is," Vincent said, peering over his shoulder toward the truck's owner. "I call him the Beer Keg. He's a dumb bully, a redneck. Talks big, likes to make threats." "Isn't that what rednecks do?" Tom asked, attempting a joke. Vincent's eyes hardened. "S'pose. But I see the politicians lining up more and more with this kind of guy, and so he struts around like his shit don't stink … Anyway - he'd best not screw around with my Melvin." Melvin gazed up, and joyfully wagged his tail. Both humans, who were looking his way now, were clearly talking about him. Tom frowned sympathetically at his friend's comments. Vincent then felt obliged to explain. "The guy's threatened to hurt my dog if I don't leash him. But out this way, there's no leash laws, so I figure we got our rights. Piss on the dude." Tom shrugged. "What kinds of threats has he made?" "Just words," Vincent said, squinting. "Just talkin' trash." He then sighed. "You were gonna show me how to throw a Phil Niekro knuckler." Tom nodded, and then took the baseball from Vincent. To illustrate, he pressed the tips of his three middle fingers on his right hand into the ball's seams. With those knuckles raised, his thumb and small finger gripped the base of the ball underneath. "I don't know how Phil-Niekro this grip is, but you don't throw the pitch. You kind of push it," Tom said, as he demonstrated with a shot-put-like arm motion. He'd taught himself the pitch as a teenager while playing sandlot baseball in Fort Lauderdale. After a few tosses back and forth in Tom's front yard, Vincent was unimpressed. "Your pitch doesn't do anything," he said, frowning. "When does it, you know. Hop?" "'Hop?'" Tom said, feigning confusion. "A knuckleball hops to the plate," Vincent said. "That's why pitchers learn to throw it. The pitcher throws - the ball hops. The batter swings, the batter misses … What am I missing here?" "My knuckleball doesn't hop," Tom said. "It just … floats." "It floats," Vincent repeated, amused. "Like a balloon?" "Yeh. Like that. You can even count the seams as it lobs in. Like a slow-pitched softball," Tom said. "But it doesn't do anything else. It just looks neat. That's why I never pitched." * * * * * Behind the wheel of his car (the only one in the region with red-lobster/white-plated Maine tags, apparently), Tom was lost in deep thought once again while driving into town. Into Raleigh. It was now more than a decade since Tom had taken a drink of anything alcoholic (including cough syrups) - but he'd come to recognize he still tended to behave squirrelier than most people he'd met at A.A. meetings with similar lengths of sobriety. For some time he couldn't figure out why, because he no longer wanted a drink. But his casual spiritual "growth" wasn't, it sometimes seemed to him, all that it maybe could have been. He'd taken all of his New Age meditation tapes with him from Maine (the ones by "Lazaris" were his favorites), but oddly, he'd rarely bothered to set enough time aside to benefit from them. The question was why. Tom believed in, say, life beyond the physical world unequivocally. But it was an intellectual belief. And that, he knew from recovery, was inadequate; even a lie. His emotions needed to "believe" in it, as well, somehow - and apparently, they didn't. Another thought had occurred to him, too. Because he lived alone and had a history of not making friends, either in Maine or Florida, he avoided social risks - like making an effort to meet new people. So he was slipping back into (gasp) self-absorption! Yes, he went to occasional A.A. meetings in Raleigh. But - It just wasn't the same. There was all this "Jesus talk" - and despite his seminary past, Tom was decidedly not a Christian. Still - so what? Protestant religion was the nature of the locals' culture here in North Carolina - as Judaism often was in South Florida - and as Catholicism was in Maine … So? So what. So he opted to pass on Christianity - who cared? No one invited Tom to Raleigh. He moved there on his own. His getting to know Vincent was, truth be said, an accident. So, maybe, when he wasn't looking: he'd switched addictions! No maybes to it: the Porky kid had evolved into a fat adult. (Some clues: he tended to hoard his food when he ate; and he couldn't seem to stop eating way-way too much when he was alone.) He worked hard these days thanks to his new shipping/receiving job, so the extra calories often burned themselves off; lots of them did. But clearly not all. Besides, weight wasn't his only "issue." He was lonelier than he realized; and he longed for romance. (...And then there were the mood swings …) So? So: all of the above is what led Tom to begin attending a different kind of Twelve Step meeting upon his move to Raleigh. Which is where, in fact, he was heading - right now. In his present mood (which took hold shortly after he'd left Vincent and then showered), Tom was feeling very self-critical. So the locals spoke with a slight twang in these parts. So? * * * * * "Haah, Tom!" a familiar, chirpy voice called out from inside the meeting room. "Praise be, it's good to see ya'! Come on in!" "Hi, Clara," Tom smiled in return, as he stepped inside the Methodist church's reading room, the site for this day's meeting. "Oh, you come here and give Clara an ol' hug!" she waved back at him, urging Tom to come join her at her end of the table. So far, there was only Clara and two other women present for today's meeting. Of all of the Twelve Step groups, this drew the least. Always Few liked being with people too fat, or too skinny. Still, it was early yet. Tom walked over to Clara, whose arms were open in a waiting embrace. He then leaned over, and they engaged in a lengthy hug. "I needed a hug today, I think," Tom whispered (maybe a bit too patronizingly), as he began to pull away. "Thanks, Clara." "Oh, no, baby!" Clara beamed, sitting back. "Thank ye-ew!" * * * * * Full Physical Manifestations were extremely hard to execute; but once accomplished, they were usually free of complications. That was seldom the case with PPMs, ironically. For all of her training and experience, Tawker Hunt couldn't always control how she came across to her target subjects during these Partial Physical Manifestation states (i.e., PPMs). During her time voyages, the target subject, or witness (the individual being visited back in parallel time [parallel time itself being a separate issue]), had as much to do with a time traveler's manifested appearance as the voyager herself. Among an array of finite resources, Jane Roberts' Seth material from the late 20th Century, though at times flawed (it was channeled, after all), provided as many practical insights as any. Such peculiarities in the act of performing PPMs were routine. Throughout the recent recorded history of the phenomenon, Tawker realized, negotiating the shift into the semi-physical world (as the medium for such a complicated transfer of both consciousness and manipulated energies) was problematic for almost anyone attempting it to do it, to say the least - particularly for physical world-rooted personalities like Tawker … (Not all forms of consciousness, researchers at The Plant long-since realized, for instance, were rooted in such strict material world "universes.") How many early time voyagers underwent all of the correct psycho-physiological changes only to "show up," in the designated (parallel) past, in front of the correctly-designated witness … only to appear in some unintended and outrageous PPM?! (This commonly meant unintentionally "coming on" to such witnesses as a salivating demon with red eyes, say; or, as a blinding and personalityless … light!) A similar glitch occurred at death, as well. Such was the nature of reality. But Full Physical Manifestations were glitch-free, in that respect. The only problem was: manifesting in full "material world-like" form required enormous concentration and focus on the part of the voyager, and could not be held for lengthy periods of time. (Tawker intended to change all of that one of these days - and, soon. Her romantic future depended on it.) In any event - Tawker knew that in order to appear as a night vision in Tommy Mendelson's past back in 1961 (she dared not push the envelope any further with him, at that age), it would have to be as a PPM. She'd therefore have to interact with the then-14-year-old on largely his terms, not hers. And she would need to add some psychic "window dressing" - like maybe an old, soothing tree and a shimmering grassy field (in his terms), as a backdrop; all in addition to attempting to remind Tommy of one of his favorite TV stars. Yet young Tommy, from his witness end of the interaction, would have to manage most of the rest of it on his own - like "changing" Tawker into a man (not that difficult of a transformation, as sex and its urges don't exist beyond the realms of full physicality). And he would pull this off not only unconsciously, but unknowingly. That's what witnesses did. All Tawker would have to do, as his visiting "Night Vision," was go along with him. She'd have fun with it, of course. You had to have a sense of humor in order to pull off a successful PPM, particularly with an adolescent from such a gentle, innocent setting, who could be easily alarmed. Why, she might even "dye her hair red;" or something. What might have made all of this confusing to the founding time theorists of another era was that, in Tom's North Carolina frame of reference, Tawker's visit had already occurred nearly three decades earlier! That Tawker had no such recollection in her conscious frame of reference was not a bother (her own time of origin was a parallel physical future; she hadn't yet traveled that far back into Tommy's parallel past): for she was only "now," in fact, getting around to doing it. One simply accepted such paradoxes, she calmly understood. One had no choice, actually - which itself was a paradox. The nature of reality was teeming with paradoxes, she'd been taught: little wrenches tossed in there to remind one that the physical realms one "lived in" weren't entirely … real. One purpose of Tawker's voyage into Tom Mendelson's past was to help nudge him into a "wakeup call" in 1990 North Carolina. But she'd simultaneously have to plant a "marker" connecting that moment in time with Tom's North Carolina present. To make it work, she had to give his memories from 1961, and his motivations to recall them in 1990, simultaneous "bumps." Details, details. The point of the 1961 theatrics, in his terms, was for him to experience something absolutely unforgettable - something that he'd remember clearly and passionately, well into his adulthood. It was the stuff of Awe and Wonder, which was conspicuously absent in 43-year-old Tom Mendelson's life. Absent not only in his life - but in just about everyone else's around him. It was time for Tom to recall much of that. And to top it all off: it was time for Tom to remember her. * * * * * Young Tommy Mendelson initiated the deeply psychic event by waking up early during that summer morning of his fourteenth year thinking (however subconsciously) how great it was to be a kid - who lived near a clean public beach, and got to watch great TV shows like The Rifleman and Maverick. He often heard the themes from those shows - especially the latter - replayed inside his head. Which is how Tawker Hunt transformed into Bret Maverick. Replete with red-tinted blonde hair. She "heard" the tune Tommy was singing in his head: "…Who is the tall, dark stran-ger there? - Ma-ver-ick is his name…" Figuratively speaking, she then playfully "flipped on" her PPM's "psychic lights" - which illuminated her, the tree behind her, and the shimmering grassy fields behind all of that. Tommy Mendelson then did something that would later prove to astonish him: He sat up on his elbows in bed; and watched the images form! Tawker Hunt, who knew going in that Tom Mendelson was going to one day be the love of her life (somewhere down the road known as time), now floated above the end of Tommy Mendelson's bed in the dark of his bedroom along with the rest of the jointly-conjured scenario. When she looked down at him, she almost broke out in the giggles! He was gaping up at her from his bed! (He looked so cute - and so innocently … enraptured!) Using Tommy's help, then - Tawker "smiled" back at him with her eyes. He "helped" her, by hoping she'd smile at him with her eyes. And in a silent burst of love, she communicated this message to her future beloved: ............…YOU OUGHT TO SEE THE EXPRESSION ON YOUR FACE! Quickly thereafter, Tawker psychically shattered her "Bret maverick" alter ego (and all of that which appeared behind her) into tiny little airborne puzzle pieces. Which quickly, then, dissipated into nothingness. Young Tommy Mendelson was left alone, in the dark, propped up on his elbows. * * * * * As 43-year-old Tom drove his car back to his apartment after his Twelve Step meeting in 1990 Raleigh, North Carolina, he had a sudden, sharp recollection of a strange event from his childhood: the pseudo-image of TV cowboy Bret Maverick inexplicably appearing in the dark above his bed, utilizing its own "light;" and hovering! Then: Just as abruptly and unexpectedly, he flashed back to an encounter he had with that peculiar (but lovely) girl outside his dormitory, back in Bangor, Maine, some nine years ago, who … And in a sudden grasp of yet another distant recollection - Tom pulled his car harshly out of traffic, to the side of Capitol Boulevard; and stopped just short of a road construction barrier. He turned off his ignition. Dust from behind the no-longer-skidding tires began to then pass over the trunk and roof of his car, and drifted away into a sunken work zone beyond the concrete barrier. She existed! It wasn't his imagination; or drunken tremors! The girl: the one back at Durty Nellie's lounge adjacent to the Intracoastal Waterway in Fort Lauderdale, when Tom got drunk back in the mid-70s … after another awful day of carpet cleaning! ..........- It was the same girl! ....................( - She was REAL!!) ..........- The same girl as THE ONE HE MET IN MAINE!! ....................What in hell … HAS BEEN GOING ON IN MY LIFE?! Tom shuddered. * * * * * Once back on the road, and continuing on to his apartment, Tom found himself flooded with a litany of forgotten memories: of dreams dating back to high school and college; of baseball games played as a youth; of activities with old friends on the beaches; of a deadly illness, miraculously cured; of his tour in the Navy; of the death of his parents; of psychic flashes; of … prophecies! And all this time - Tom thought his memories had been fried due to overzealous alcohol consumption. So much for that plausible explanation! Think again, Tom told himself: Your memory capacity is just fine. And if that's so … then what caused you to forget so much? * * * * * As Tom pulled his car into the thin driveway in front of his apartment, Vincent Morgan dashed toward it from his front doorstep, waved frantically, and followed it until it came to a stop. "Tom..! Tom!!" he cried out. "Vincent? What on earth," Tom said through his open window. "What's wrong?" "I think the Beer Keg … He's taken Melvin somewhere - and he's going to do something to him!" Tom climbed out of his car and rolled up the front window as he stared at Vincent, whose features were taut with dread. "What do you mean - he's taken Melvin?" Vincent's voice shook as he let out a tense breath. Then he pointed over his shoulder toward the Beer Keg's yard - where Tom failed to see anyone outside; only the truck was in the driveway. "He came out a few minutes ago and walked over to my place," Vincent said hurriedly. "He told me it was time to take out the garbage. You know; trash talk. Then he grinned and just turned his back around like he likes to do - and he left." ...Trash talk. Vincent was so upset he failed to recognize his unintentional pun. But he'd had good reason to fear for his dog. Tom glanced over toward the two garbage cans sitting out in front of Vincent's apartment; he noticed one of the lids had been knocked off. Nearby, some of the trash that had been contained in that can was strewn around Vincent's front yard. Then, gazing over toward the same location in front of the Beer Keg's apartment, Tom observed that both of his garbage can lids had been knocked off, as well (one of the cans, in fact, was on its side). And even more trash was fluttering here and there on the big redneck's property. From experience, Tom realized Melvin had been into the cans, looking for whatever it was that some dogs pursue in trash cans. "Tom - come on, man!" Vincent pleaded, now shaking. "I really think that this time, he's-" POW!! came a loud cannon-like report from the far side of the Beer Keg's apartment, causing both Vincent and Tom to flinch. POW!! the noise repeated again. Then there was only silence. There was still no sign of the bully (or Melvin) anywhere. "Oh, Tom!" Vincent cried, his eyes watering. Then the Beer Keg appeared. He strutted out from behind the far side of his apartment, which was adjacent to an empty field. He was carrying a large, limp animal by the nape of its neck. That animal, whose fur was soaked with blood, was dead. It was Melvin. The Beer Keg then walked directly toward Vincent's open trash can, holding Melvin's body in one hand high above the front lawn. "You God-damned asshole!" Vincent shrieked, starting to dart toward the bully - but then he suddenly sank back, as if unsure. Tom couldn't see the guy's gun (probably a shotgun) anywhere in sight. And the redneck, out here anyway, appeared unarmed. As the Beer Keg approached Vincent's open can - maybe 30 yards away now from Tom and Vincent - he began to grin; and paused just long enough for Vincent to make eye contact with him. Briefly, Vincent did. Then Melvin's killer continued his short march toward Vincent's open can, a big trash container with wheels. Once he arrived, he raised Melvin's body up over the opening with his beefy pro-wrestler-like arms - and then let it drop. ...Thwmp. Melvin's limp remains flopped into the garbage can, out of sight. Except for the tip of one rear paw. The bully never took his eyes, meanwhile, off of Vincent's - at any time. It was a cold, calculated, and vicious performance. All that remained was the bully's punch line. "Guess he won't be going through anybody else's garbage again - will he," the Beer Keg hypothesized, as his eyes passed back and forth between Vincent's and Tom's. Then, predictably - he casually turned, and began to walk back to his apartment. By now, a few neighbors from across the street had walked out of their houses to watch this scene conclude - drawn there, no doubt, by the sound of two-rounds-worth of fired scattershot. A squeal of rage shot out from Vincent's throat - and he tore off after the swaggering, slaughtering monster. "Vincent!" Tom called out, afraid for his friend's safety. The neighbors said nothing. They just watched. Like Tom. Once Vincent pulled within leaping distance of the Beer Keg's broad back, he attempted to jump up on the large man's shoulders. But the bully simply moved his chunky left arm around behind him, and swatted, as if popping an annoying bee. Vincent fell back. "Get lost, ya' little piss ant!" the Beer Keg grunted from over his shoulder. He couldn't be bothered to turn around. Vincent collapsed in an impotent heap, on the unmowed grass between his front yard, and the behemoth's - not that one could really tell where one scraggly lawn ended, and the other began. "You're going to jail, shithook!!" Vincent's voice wailed, as the former simply opened his front door - and stepped inside. Tom finally began to run toward his friend, but Vincent was already up on his feet, lifting his fallen garbage can lid up off of the grass, and then stumbling over to place the lid back o n… Vincent gazed into the opening of the garbage can containing his pet dog's body - and then fell to his knees, broken-hearted. Absently, he clumsily replaced the lid on top of the can as tears poured down his face. "Melvin!!" he sobbed. "Oh, my God - my God!!" * * * * * Hours later - after he'd driven Vincent to a nearby branch office of the Wake County Sheriff's Department to file charges against the Beer Keg (one Randall K. Thomson) for the murder of his loving pet, and then returned him to his apartment (Vincent didn't own a car; not a working one, anyway) - Tom was flat-out drained. Exhausted. The day had been incredible so far. And it wasn't over yet. A neighbor just down the block loaned Tom a shovel, and Tom headed over to the woods behind the short right field fence at the ballfield across the street, where Vincent and Tom often took turns shagging flies - while Melvin once playfully looked on. Tom recommended that Vincent get a couple of large trash bags with ties to put his pet's body in, and to double-bag the remains. But after Vincent brought the bags outside, it quickly became obvious he was in no emotional shape to do the balance of the work alone. So, while Tom held the doubled-up bags open, Vincent, turning his strained face away, upended the can, and the dead body slid down. Tom then closed the bags quickly and tied them up to enclose the stiffening (and already smelly) remains. Then Vincent insisted on carrying the bagged remains while the two of them walked over to the two-foot-deep grave Tom had dug on the edge of the woods well behind the ballfield fences. Vincent carefully laid his pet's body into the hole, and Tom immediately began to bury it by hurriedly shoveling in the dirt he'd just dug out of it within the last hour. Vincent thanked him for digging the grave, and Tom squeezed Vincent's shoulder once tenderly as the two of them looked at the fresh mound of dirt. They then silently returned to their respective apartments. Vincent waved thanks to Tom as he entered his front door, where he began to cry once again. At the gravesite, Vincent had told Tom he'd planned to call his parents living across town, and for Tom not to worry - he'd be okay. Once alone, Tom then glanced two doors down. There was no sign of the Beer Keg. The cops said they would file charges of some sort, and pay a visit to the son-of-a-bitch. So finally - that was over. Tom rummaged through his pockets for his front door key, and found it. But not before turning both pants pockets inside out in the effort. He temporarily placed the shovel behind the shrubs next to his door, so Vincent wouldn't have to see it sitting out there. Tom had planned to return it to his accommodating neighbor tomorrow, per their arrangement. Almost immediately upon crossing the front threshold of his apartment (such as it was), Tom thought he heard … whistling (!). He had: someone inside was whistling softly, thinly; inside. The melody sounded like the opening measures to the old Maverick TV show theme. Then it abruptly ended (barely into the second stanza). As if "the whistler" realized Tom had just returned home. Silence. "Oh, man - what now!" Tom muttered aloud to himself. He'd only just thought of that very tune today after his Twelve Step meeting, when he was parked on the side of the road, remembering childhood incidents. And that was the first time in years it'd even crossed his mind. This just couldn't be a coincidence. "Who's there?" Tom called out, as he tentatively began to walk into his living room, the largest room in the small unit. Off to one side, in a thickly padded old chair (which came with the furnished apartment, and was angled away from the setting afternoon sun at the opposite side of the room), Tom saw what appeared to be a man in a fancy dark cowboy outfit out of the corner of his eye. The figure was sitting in the chair. Nervously, Tom swiveled in place, and stared at the chair in which this figure appeared to sit - and there was a brief … flicker, or something like that … and then the cowboy was gone; only to be replaced by a young woman in maybe her early 30s! The young woman. It was her! It was … "Talker" Hunt! "Hello there, big boy," stated Tawker, adding a welcome smile. The only thing was - she was transparent. Tom could see through parts of her body! "You're … you're..," Tom began, sputtering. "Magnificent?" Tawker said, raising one (limpid) eyelid. "…You're not all there!" Tom gushed. She frowned for a moment - and then looked back up at him, her eyes twinkling (however transpicuously). "I get that a lot," she said. She then closed her eyes - there seemed to be another ripple, or whatever the effect was - and her body solidified. Sort of. Ms. Hunt didn't actually appear to have any mass. Her rear end seemed to hover ever-so-slightly above the chair seat rather than actually "sit" in it. It was as if the woman defied gravity. Or was weightless in some way. The overall effect remained unsettling, regardless. "Better?" she asked. Tom nodded. If he'd have answered "yes," he would've lied. "You remember me finally, I take it," Tawker continued. Tom again nodded. "But I have no idea why," he said. "I still remember that, um. When we…" "Kissed," Tawker said. "The word is kissed." "Yes," Tom blushed. He then sighed, and gazed over Tawker's image more carefully. "Are you a ghost? That'd explain a lot." "We've already had this discussion more or less," she said, unwilling to mask her perkiness. "The answer is still no." "Then you're a … what?" "A moderately enlightened and nicely-balanced individual." "No," Tom said, looking away briefly. "I mean - what do you do? Besides visiting me once every decade or two?" "Good," she said, now tilting forward. "You remember all of that." "Talker" tilted, he noticed; but she still wasn't sitting. "I only began remembering, earlier this afternoon, some of what it was you'd said to me at Durty Nellie's back in 1976," Tom said. "And then only in splotches. I remember you in Maine better." "Well, of course, you were intoxicated at Durty Nellie's." "Yeh. So why did you join me that night in Fort Lauderdale?" "I joined you, because..," Tawker began, with a trace of impatience - "-And why did you call me your beloved?" Tawker Hunt then experienced a rare moment for her: she was temporarily speechless. "Thomas," Tawker began slowly. "Other than maintaining a certain, oh, calculated distance from you all of these years - I've been very up-front with you otherwise. I've never lied to you, and I've never attempted to withhold the strong affections I have for you - which were reciprocated on both of those occasions, weren't they? The greater truth is, whether you understand them or not, your feelings for me, even now, are every bit as strong as mine are for you - only you're loathe to admit that. But the day is coming when you'll not run away from me and what I represent like some terrified child catapulted out of the bowels of The Congo - and that day is coming a lot sooner than you think. When it does, I'll take your hand - at least figuratively - and you'll take mine, and we'll talk, we'll listen, we'll plan, we'll wander, and we'll generate a great deal of impact on others until we're numb with the melodrama of it all - and only then will we leave the physical plane in search of far more creatively-engaging, far more sensuously-subtle, and far more meaningfully-substantive … you know, in the greater scheme of things … Pursuits." These last words lolled off of Tawker Hunt's lips like silicon. She was having fun. And somewhere toward the conclusion of her flamboyant and vivacious run-on sentences, Tom Mendelson got a hard-on. Still, he managed to keep his wits about him. "Okay," he said, adding a conciliatory smile. "Sounds good." "Yes," she said softly. "It does." But Tom's cosmic paramour had an additional purpose for being there. Tawker "tilted" back in the chair. "One morning, many, many years ago, while you were attending college in Boca Raton, you awoke from some powerful dream images. You got out of bed, and looked up a word in your dictionary." "How did you know that?" Tom chuckled, after a pause. "It's all in the memoirs you haven't written yet. Remember? I'm afraid my meter is now ticking, so we need to move along here - do you recall the word?" "Yes. Well, no. I remember the experience, not the word," Tom said, reaching deep into his past. "Oh, no - wait - yes, I do remember. It was, misanthrope." "Yes. And its definition?" Tom squinted. "Something like … a hater of humankind." "Not something like," Tawker said. "Exactly like. I'm here in part, this day, to let you know you've just encountered one such." Tom gawked back at her. "You mean - the Beer Keg?" Tawker nodded. "The murder of your friend's pet had very little to do with the animal - other than him functioning as a mirror of his owner - and almost everything to do with your friend. That violent individual hates your friend." "I don't get it," Tom said. "The guy's a racist. Racists hate people. So what?" "It's not about race," Tawker responded firmly, "even though the neighbor, it's true, detests black people for the most part, as well." Tom frowned. "I'm afraid I'm still not following this." "The neighbor hates innocence, because in his world, it's not there, and so he sees it as a delusional affectation in others. But it's that same innocence that could save him, if only he'd embrace it - but he never will, because he's terrified of appearing weak … "The decades to come will be rife with human beings isolating themselves away from one another, partly out of fear, and partly out of a relentless and numbing competitiveness," Tawker said. "The America you think you know will change so much in fifteen years that you, yourself, will compare it to a "didactic Twilight Zone episode." Postal service workers, downsized employees, racists, stalkers, day traders - you don't know that term yet - terrorists, both foreign and domestic, and even elementary school children will literally storm their places of work or study, or play, guns a-blazing. They'll commit murder, like blank automatons. Not just once. But many times. No one will understand it, not completely - for these are terrible insanities, these events. But they all grew out of little insanities - which this current decade you're in will nurture. At the core of these events is a twisted perspective on the purpose of what it is to be human." Tom could only manage to stare at her. "My time here now is elapsing very quickly for me … I encourage you to remember the word, "misanthrope," and to contemplate its deepest meanings ... Don't ignore your Biblical past, either. Begin making some efforts to get in touch with that. It may help." "Jeez, I forgot you'd brought that Biblical stuff up before!" Tom said, rolling his eyes. "Yes, I'm not surprised," agreed Tawker Hunt, tenderly. "But, I really must go, now - I apologize - I'm running completely out of gas here… I'm sorry, my beloved," she said, with a smile - adding an knowing wink. "We'll talk again soon … we will … Very soon …" Before another word was exchanged, her image dissipated - Then it blended perfectly into the nothingness of the shadows. Nothing remained, including her slight illumination. Tawker had evaporated. "Jesus," Tom whispered, toppling into his couch. It was yet one more outlandish day he'd have to try to make some sense out of. # # # |
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